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Promise of a newly appointed coach of a struggling third division team: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

Leeds Utd unveil new sponsor

Leeds United...
...should move to London and set up shop in the West End's theatre district. You can see the reviews now: A wonderful romp; Farce of the highest quality; What a hoot!

New spokesman for Tottenham Hotspur

Will the fall of Saddam Hussein's regime, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed Sahhaf has been appointed the new spokesman for Tottenham Hotspur. Here are excerpts from his first press briefing in his new roles.

"We are enjoying a tremendous season. We look forward to hoisting the Premiership trophy this year as we continue to crush our foes."

"We are currently in the process of major renovations to our front office so that we will be able to accommodate the 15-20 trophies we will win over the next five years."

"Our players our the strongest, most skilled in the world. Their biggest fear is falling asleep during matches as they are bored by the lack of competition."

"Our manager is a tactical genius and will make people forget the names Busby, Shankly, Chapman and Clough."

"Our youth development program is the best in the world. We have an under-11 team that would win Division 1 right now."

"Spurs fans are the most knowledgeable, most intelligent fans in Europe. Any one of them could step in and coach in the Premiership today."

"Our victories over our rival Arsenal will be swift and merciless. We will beat them by double-digit scores. The referees will call the games at halftime in an effort to save the dignity of the other team."

What has Alex Ferguson and The Bee Gee's got in common?
Alex Ferguson can stil play 'Giggs'

Come in number 10....

After argentina's attempt to retire diego maradonna's number 10 shirt was rejected by FIFA, the Argentinian manager has allocated the shirt to the third goalkeeper, meaning that the argentine number 10 will be allowed to use his hands.

No change there then.

Ulrika Jonson was caught masturbating with a mobile phone the other day... Not the first time she's had an Eriksson up her then! - Nice one David!

'Is This Why England Squad Announcement Was Late?'

'Is This Why England Squad Announcement Was Late?'


Q: What is the difference between Everton FC and Foot And Mouth?
A: Foot And Mouth made it to Europe!!!!!!!

At the end of the day, football means not having to go to Sainsburys on Saturday.

Q.Who are the most indispensable men in international soccer competition?
A.The riot police.

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.

Our club manager won't stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall. He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said, "Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes."

Q: How could you kill a Brentford fan when he's drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.


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