A would be robber James Elliott from Long Beach, California
killed himself when his .38 calibre revolver failed to fire, Mr Elliott
apparently peered down the barrel and then tried the trigger again. This
time it worked.
Top 8 Morons of 2002
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from own his bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up
the store clerk and worked at the counter himself for three hours until
police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the
line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This
is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and
a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
in his pocket.(hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having
a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre,
no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby
marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water
to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS
IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
Unconfirmed Darwin Award
January 2002, Brazil | Russian Roulette has always been a breeding ground
for natural selection, but the men involved in this story deserve extra
consideration for their unique approach to this self- destructive game.
On New Years Eve, Antonio and his friend were befogged by "pinga",
A traditional Brazilian liquor, when they began playing Russian roulette
with holiday fireworks. Their version of the game consisted of lighting
fireworks, and holding them in their mouths to see who could delay longest.
The man who discarded the explosive closest to the point of detonation
was the victor in this battle of wills.
Their blatant disregard for personal safety was matched only by their
foolish bravery. Antonio was the winner, holding one of the fireworks
in his mouth a bit too long, and thereby earning praise for his "courage"
at his funeral.
Confirmed Darwin Award
March 2002, Bangladesh | Six highway robbers, who had apparently watched
too many gangster movies, were caught in their own trap when they blocked
a bypass with their car at midnight. The driver of an oncoming truck carrying
a cargo of cows was unable to halt his heavy vehicle in time. The truck
rolled right through the blockade, crushing the car and its scheming occupants.
Five dacoits died, and the sixth was critically wounded.
A cow was also killed in the accident.
Reference: The Bangladesh Independent
Only in America...
The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon (the remains of) individuals
who have given their all in an effort to improve our gene pool.
The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate sacrifice
of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid means.
The Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic ways of killing
themselves, thereby helping to eliminate undesirable weaknesses from the
human gene pool. And so, without further ado, the first candidate for
MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) -- A 39-year-old
Charlottesville man died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing
machine. According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing
laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently tried
to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by
climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing into
the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's
ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and
both feet went down into the machine, where they got stuck. The machine
started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself, started thrashing
around as the machine's agitator went into gear. Strickson's head banged
against a nearby shelf in the laundry room, knocking over a bottle of
bleach, which poured over Strickson's face, blinding him. Forensic reports
say Strickson apparently also swallowed some of the bleach. He then vomited,
but was still unable to free himself. Strickson's dog, then apparently
came into the laundry room. At about the same time, according to police,
a large box of baking soda fell from the shelf, startling the dog, who
then urinated. Urine, like vinegar, is acidic, and the chemical reaction
between the urine and the baking soda resulted in "a small explosion,"
according to police reports. The dog, however, escaped unharmed. Strickson
remained stuck in the washing machine, which eventually went into its
high-speed spin cycle, spinning Strickson round at about 70 miles per
hour, according to forensic experts. Strickson's head then smashed against
a steel beam behind the washing machine, immediately killing him. A neighbor
heard the commotion and called 911, but Strickson was pronounced dead
at the scene.
A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use
occy straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee
jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police
said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ... and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY ...
Three young men visiting Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July
holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks. Their only
real problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop
a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly
enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles and
miles. They were launched, no doubt, countless thousands of feet into
the air and were found dead 50 yards from their respective seats.
DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT...
A lawyer [ ! ] and two of his buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas.
A lightning storm hit the lake and most of the fisherman immediately headed
for the shore. But not our friend the lawyer. He was alone on the rear
of his aluminum bass boat and his buddies were in the front. This gentleman
stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion style) and shouted: "HERE
I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God delivered [well, you
would, wouldn't you?]. The other two passengers on the boat survived and
are said to have immediately joined the Ministry.
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend
were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from
here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.
THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU . . .
Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies nonetheless.
You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his cell phone
..more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when he walked
into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the
next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.
GIMME A LIGHT!
Several years ago, in a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching
into his pocket, and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,
sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been
thought of as "bright" by his peers.
Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position yesterday.
While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a group of thespians
from St. Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went over board to show them one of
America's many marvels. He demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"
... the hard way. Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good
the adhesive was, so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms
of his hands, and jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.
The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its being involuntarily
stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly
making Demuth an unintended passenger. "Sally (the rhino) hasn't been
feeling well lately. She had been very constipated. We had just given
her a laxative and some depressants to relax her bowels, when Demuth played
his juvenile prank," said James Douglass, caretaker. During Sally's tirade
two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and a number of small
animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and one
duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a team of medics and
zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from the rhino's buttocks.
First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down. However, during
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea. "It was tricky. We had
to calm her down, while at the same time shield our faces from being pelted
with rhino dung. I guess you could say that Demuth was into it up to his
neck. Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working
to keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize
her and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass.
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while." meanwhile,
the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with the power
of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course
they can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of
Werner Heisenberg was driving his car at great speed along
the autobahn when a traffic police car pulled him over. The police officer
approached the car, and as Heisenberg opened his window enquired of him
"Do you know how fast you were driving, sir?". "No,"
replied Heisenberg. "But I know where I am."