Category	odds & sods
Subcategory	transport

• Aviation101
• Gobby train drivers
• In-flight safety lectures
• If you've just bought an F16
• Squarks
• Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Firestone Tires
• Trains
• Virgins Airways Opposition
• In what language is this an acceptable name for a coach company?
• Honesty at last... Tube Poster
• Columbia Space Shuttle jokes
• The Central Line is Fixed!!
  

An 82 year old Vermont woman convicted of vehicular manslaughter has had her license suspended for 10 years. Apparently the state feels the time off will make her a more confident, skilled and careful driver when they let her back on the road when she's 92.

The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW Beetle from his parents. He took it for a spin but misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Balls. . .

. . . Luckily, he was pulled out by the Smiths.

Recollections of flying with Qantas.

The initial safety announcement: "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite." The first in-flight announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." After a particularly bumpy landing: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Perth. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while Captain Kangaroo bounces what's left of our aeroplane to the gate." This was followed by a voice from the cockpit saying, "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" And on arriving at the gate: "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Road Rage

An elderly lady stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"

The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright."

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?" The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"