-- VIRUS WARNING from MeMail.com --
I don't normally send out virus warnings, but this one
is extremely serious. Please read very carefully and take care!
If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times" delete
it immediately. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
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It will not only erase everything on your hard drive,
but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
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It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit
cards.
-
Messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
-
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness
settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
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This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
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It will drink all your beer.
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It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when
you are expecting company.
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Its radioactive emissions will cause your bellybutton
fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
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It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair
with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind
your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
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It will cause you to run with scissors and throw
things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
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It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
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It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your
active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings
which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
-
If the "Crazy Times" message is opened in a Windows
95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair
dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
- It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it
to smell like dill pickles.
- ) It is insidious and subtle.
- It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
- It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs of infection.
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