Category	sports jokes
Subcategory	golf jokes

A male golfer and a female golfer meet on the course and marry. On their honeymoon night (at a golf resort, of course), they proceed to consummate their marriage. After the first episode (which makes the earth move), the man picks up the phone and starts dialing.

"Who are you calling?" asks the wife. "Room service," he replies. "I want some champagne." She says, "Tiger Woods wouldn't do that. He would make love to me again!" So, they embark on another episode.

The second time is even better. When they're done, he picks up the phone. "You aren't calling room service, are you?" she says plaintively. "You know, Tiger Woods wouldn't do that -- he'd make love to me again." The man sighs a bit and proceeds to make love to his new wife one more time. All of his energy spent, he struggles to pick up the phone and dial the number.

"Are you calling room service, honey?" she smiles. "Hell, no!" he says. "I'm calling Tiger Woods. I want to know what par is on this hole!"

There are two guys out on the course that come up on a couple of ladies playing slow. One of the guys walks up towards the ladies to ask if they can play through. About halfway there he turns around and comes back and says to his friend, "I can't go up there and talk to them, that is my wife and my mistress." So his friend replies, "I'll go up and ask them." When he is halfway there he turns around and comes back and states to his friend. "Small world".

Four married guys go golfing.

During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf course or intercourse?'

So she says, 'Wear your sweater.' "

How's Your Grip?

A man and a woman meet at a single's resort and become infatuated with one another. The man decides that he doesn't want to foil this relationship, so he will be honest with the lady. "I have to tell you the truth, I have a problem."

"What is it?" the woman asks.

"I'm obsessed with golf. I have to play at least twice a week or I am not happy."

"Since you are being so honest I will tell you something about myself. I am a hooker."

The man kept silent for a minute, and the woman was worried that she had offended him. "Have you thought about changing your grip?"

Mary hears the car drive up, then a clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams.

Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then John comes into the house with his golf clubs, scowling and cussing.

"What's the matter, Dear, you have as bad day on the golf course?" asked Mary.

"Ya, what a rotten day! What a rotten round of golf! Why I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

"Tom" sits in clubhouse bar thinking about his next extra marital affair. Deep in though about the subject he absent mindedly starts thinking allowed. "Not worth it" he muttered"never as good as you hoped. Expensive and above all drives the wife berserk." A friend who was sitting close by at the time and over herd Toms words leaned across and said "come on Tom you knew what to expect when you took up golf."

A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young lady by the clubhouse. He went up to her, began talking, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. All through the night they made wild love together. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. The man said, "Please don't go. I love you and I want you to stay with me." The woman replied, "You don't understand...I'm a hooker." The man said, "That's no problem, you probably just have too strong a grip."

A man was golfing one day and was struck by lightning. He died and went to heaven. Saint Peter told him when he arrived at the gates of heaven that the bolt of lightning was actually meant for his golf partner. But, because God doesn't want it known that he makes mistakes,the man would have to go back to earth as someone other that himself. Well, the man thought about it for awhile and announced to Saint Peter that he wanted to return to earth as a lesbian. Saint Peter asked the man why a macho guy like him would choose to return as a lesbian. The man answered, "It's simple really, this way I can still make love to a woman, AND I can hit from the red tees"!!

An older couple are playing in the annual club championship. They are playing in a play off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, " I can't believe you missed that putt!" "That putt was no longer than my 'willy'." The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "yes dear, but it was much harder!"

One day a Blonde was Walking down the street when the club pro saw her out of the glimse of his eye and yelled " do you want to play and she said no I dont know how to I dont even know how to hold the caddy

Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!'' Golfer two: ``Great trade!!!!''

Husband and wife were playing in the mixed foursomes. He hit a great drive down the middle - she sliced the second shot into a copse of trees. Unfazed he played a brilliant recovery shot which went onto the green a metre from the pin. She poked at the putt and sent it five metres beyond the pin. He lined up the long putt and sank it. To his wife he said, "We'll have to do better. That was a bogey five." "Don't blame me," she snapped, "I only took two of them."

Mike and Bob had just finished the the first nine and it was obvious that Mike was having a bad day. "Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today, what's the matter?" asked Bob. Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Mable's dead." "That's terrible," said Bob, "you think your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?" "Well," responded Mike, "the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."