Subcategory
	nationality jokes

• A South African, an Aussie and a Londoner...
• Goldberg Nails
• No knickers!
• Stranded on a desert island
• Three Irishmen are being treated by a speech therapist for stuttering
• Three proofs that Jesus was...
• Wasteful Americans
• Why is the head of a man's penis wider than the shaft?
• Jokes about the French
• Jokes about Iraq
• 6 reasons to love Africa

a sign seen apparently in the window of a shop in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. It reads:

"The bargain basement...is on the first floor."

What do you call a Russian guy with 3 balls?
Whodidyounickabollockoff!

What do you call a Russian guy who delivers Pepsi?
Idropalotofpopoff!

What do you call a Chinese guy with 1 ball?
Whatwentwong!

Thanks Sarah!

Irish Joke

A 40 year old Irish spinster was desperate for a husband, but to no avail. In the end she visited her family doctor to see if he could help her, She explained to him her desperate need to find a man. " Doctor can you help me pleaseeeeeeeeeeee" So the doctor told her to pop in behind the curtain and strip off all her clothes and he would examine her to see what the problem might be!

She emerged naked and he told her "Get down on all fours and crawl towards me, fixing me with your eyes", this she did and when she reached him, He told her to turn around and crawl away from him, which she did. After she had got dressed and sat back down asked "Doctor can you see what the problem might be?"

"I can" he said "I can see what your problem is - Your Arse is as ugly as you face "

Thanks - Liza

A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.

The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:

"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."

An Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer

An Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer were sitting together in a carriage in a train. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carraiges and it went completely dark.

Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking, "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."

Claudia Schiffer was thinking, "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."

And the Irishman was thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English bastard again."

A woman walking past a shop sees an advert in the window. "Good home wanted for clitoris licking frog."

She goes inside and says to the guy behind the counter, "I've come about the clitoris licking frog."

"Oui madame," the assistant says.

An English guy is screwing an Irish girl. The girl asks, "You haven't got aids have you?"

He replies, "No."

She responds, "Oh, thank fuck for that!! I don't want to get that again...!"

A beautiful lass was noticing a Scotsman in full regalia at a parade. Shy but curious, she approached him and asked, "Is it true, what they say about what Scotsman do not wear beneath their kilts?"

The Scotsman replied, "Well, lass, you'll just have to take a wee peek and discover for yourself."

She timidly lifted the hem and peered beneath. Immediately, she dropped it and said, "Aye, 'tis gruesome!"

To which he replied, "Best look again, lass, I think it's grew some more!

Now That's-a Italian

An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Tony! Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"

Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it."

Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"

Michael says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good."

Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."

Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a."

Fredo says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a pussy."

Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste like shit!"

Fredo says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!!

Q: Did you hear about the Asian couple that had a African American baby?
A: They named it Sum Ting Wong.

Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Good Advice:

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion:

Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills
you.