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David Ginola
Vagina dildo

Teddy Sheringham
Teddy Minge rash

Ossie Ardiles
Arse is soiled

Diego Maradona
O dear, I'm a gonad

Tony Blair PM
I'm Tory plan B

Leo Blair
O Liberal

Virginia Bottomley
I'm an evil Tory bigot

Michael Heseltine
Elect him, he's alien

David Mellor
Dildo marvel

Dame Agatha Christie
I am a right death case

Benson and Hedges
NHS been a godsend

Chris Rea
Rich arse

Evangelist
Evil's Agent

Desperation
A Rope Ends It

President Clinton, of the USA
To copulate, he finds interns

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