F1 Jokes

Q: What is the difference between Ralf Schumacher and God?
A: God knows he is not Ralf Schumacher.

Ferrari took a decision for the British GP to hire a couple of Scousers as pitcrew members when they found out they can remove all 4 wheels in under 0.8 seconds. But to Jean Todts dismay, after 1.5 seconds, the car was resprayed and sold to Mclaren....

Q: Why is David coulthard so popular with the ladies?
A: Because he lets his partner come first!

Q: What's the difference between Jacques Villeneuve and a bus driver?
A: One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1

Murray Walker: "So Bernie, in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable?"
Bernie Ecclestone: "Well I don't remember buying McLaren.

A snail was employed to race for Williams but because he was a snail he wasn't allowed a number on his car so instead used the letter 'S' At his first Grand Prix the snail excelled, and at the moment he took first place the commentator screamed out "And look at that Ess-Car Go!"

Schumi jokes

Q: What does Michael Schumacher and Dwight Yorke have in common?
A: They both spend their weekends rear-ending Jordans!!!!!!

Spectator at Silverstone track is seeking information, he finds Schummi but doesn't recognize him (huh?!?) he asks Schummi: "excuse me good man, which way to the Stowe curve?" Schummi replies: "Just keep going straight that way......"

'Michael Schumachers wife says she doesn't want Turkey for Christmas this year, so he's going to buy her Denmark instead

A tourist in Switzerland is asking left and right for directions and arrives at a high class coffe shop where he finds Shummi sitting at a table. He also asks Shummi for directions "Excuse me, how do you arrive at Silverstone?" Shummi answers: "Just keep going straight...."

Jean Todt and Michael Schumacher die and go to see Saint Peter.- Sorry guys, you're both going to spend eternity in Hell, Saint Peter says, and they take the express elevator going down. They arrive at the waiting room and Saint Peter tells Schumacher to wait there while he shows Todt the ropes. There are terrible screams of horror from behind the door, and Schumacher is visibly scared as Saint Peter returns to get him.

- Mein Gott! What did you do to him? Schumacher asks, but Saint Peter doesn't answer.

- Michael, I want to introduce you to your partner for eternity, Saint Peter says, and in comes a complete MONSTER of an ugly woman (I'm sorry but I simply cannot describe her hideousness in writing).

- She will be by your side every second of eternity. She likes to do it all, and she won't take no for an answer. Now let me show you to your quarters. On their way through the corridors of Hell, they pass a half open door, and inside, Schumacher sees Jean Todt making love to Melinda Messenger.

- What the FUCK?!! Saint Peter! What the fuck is this?!!

- Oh, you mean Jean and Melinda?

- Obviously, he did much worse things than me! Why does he get to hump this lovely Mädchen, and you give me this MONSTER?!!

- You don't understand, Michael.

- Oh I understand! Obviously, he bribed you, the cheating frog!

- No, you don't understand, Michael. This is MELINDA'S penance

Q: Why does Schumi have 12 helmets?
A: Because his head gets bigger after every race

Rumour has it that Schumi is to start a band called "20 secs into the race-Ooops-Bang" and they are bringing out a cover of that old classic "Bits 'n Pieces"..........:

Damon Hill jokes

Q:Whats the difference between Damon and Tiger Woods?
A: Tiger can drive further than 200 yards!!!!

All the grandchildren of the original Mr Honda went to their father and said "We want to work in the Jordan pit during the Suzuka race." Their father thought for a bit, then, being a soft touch said, "I'll speak to Eddie. Eddie Jordan was a bit taken aback by this, but wanting to stay in Honda's good books, and get good engines next year, he agreed. On race day, the young Mr and Ms Hondas lined up, and Eddie assigned them jobs. "You're, ah, on publicity. You can wipe the driver's visor. You can stack the old tyres, and you .... ". At this point Eddie had come to the youngest, and dimmest looking young Honda. "You can be in charge of, ah, supplies." Come race day, Eddie was pleased to see that everything was going smoothly, and the young Hondas were all working efficiently and effectively. His cars were also going well, with Damon in 3rd place, and Frentzen in 5th. Damon comes in for his first pit-stop, and a young Honda polishes his visor until it gleams. Just as Damon is about to pull out the youngest Honda jumps out in front of his car. Completely naked apart from war paint, and ostrich feathers sticking out his his behind, he shouts out:

"SUPPLIES!

Q. What does Damon Hill say (on his radio) before the start of every Race?
A: Which pedal was that, again?

Q: Who is the odd one out? Schumacher, Damon Hill, Mika Hakkinen & Schmeichel...
A: Damon 'cause he's the only one who couldn't take a corner...

In poor taste...

Quote from the review of Sega Rally on the Saturn ...
"The best thing to happen in driving since Ayrton Senna missed that corner"

The F1 race in Monaco ends with a big crash. Six drivers are killed, Gerhard Berger is one of them. Now his wife is invited to come to the morgue to identify her Gerhard.
The coroner opens the first box - she: "No, that's not my Gerhard!"
The coroner opens the second box - she: "No, that's not my Gerhard!"
The coroner opens the third box - she: "No, that's not my Gerhard!"
The coroner opens the fourth box - she: "Sniff - yes - sniff, that's my Gerhard!"
And suddenly she loses self-control and cries: "Fucking Gerhard, again not in the first three!!!"

Q: Why did TWA 800 explode and crash shortly after takeoff?
A: It was fitted with Ferrari engines.