The Joke File

Joke Categories

Search this site


bloke jokes

Category bloke jokes
Subcategory jokes about women

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger frantically jumps up, removes all her clothing and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."

An ugly woman was walking along the street and a guy comes and asks her, "Are those 2 kids yours?"
"Yes," sad the lady.
Are they twins?"
"No, no, the girl is 12 and my boy is 7.
How come you think that they are twins?"
"Because I can't believe that you've been fucked twice."

What do you call a women with ESP and PMT?
A bitch that knows everything.

Q: How many women does it take to tile a roof?
A: Twelve if you slice them thin enough.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
Man says to God: "But why did you make her so stupid?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

Q: Why are there so many homes for battered women?
A: Because they just don't fucking listen!!

How To Deal With Your Angry Wife

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, "You as horny as I am? And she always acts like she's sound asleep!

Q: What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you've finished on the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box for the bone

What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."

There are 5 animals one can find on the female body, all below the waist: she has 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass and 1 fish which nobody can seem to find.

Q: How are airplanes and women alike?
A: They both have cockpits!


A man walked into a supermarket and asked an employee where the tampon isle was.

The lady pointed it out and the man started walking toward it.

A few minutes later the man returned with cotton swabs and string.

The employee said to the man, "I thought you needed tampons?"

The man simply said, "I sent my wife to get me some cigarettes yesterday and she came home with the tabacco and the paper. I had to roll my own. Today she sent me for tampons so she get's to roll her own."

This guys wife, craving some new excitement in there love life, happened to read a magazine article that advised wives to greet there spouses wearing nothing but saran wrap when there husbands came home from work. So sure enough when her husband came home that afternoon, he opened the front door and there stood his wife striking a very seductive pose, dressed only in saran wrap, Ah, shit", he said when he saw her, "Please woman, not leftovers again."

home |  about us |  free e-mail |  send a joke |  recommend this site |  index | search
The Joke File is part of