Songs

Sing to the tune of " If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands"

When you're happy and you know it bomb Iraq

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it'a ll the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

The Royal Stuarts

The Royal Stuarts have taken, stolen is more like it, some of the greatest music of all time and warped it. There are some truely twisted mp3's go to http://www.royalstuarts.org/mp3.htm. The classic Sheep Hide is one of the Joke File's favourites.

Masturbation Song

You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."

Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!

It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license

You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!

(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)

You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion

You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand

Bush Inaugural Theme Song
What a wonderful world this will be.

Don't know much about ecology.
Cutting trees has always worked for me.
And I don't know about the women's vote
And I can't think of any bill I wrote.
But there's one thing that I know for sure,
If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
What a wonderful world this will be.

I never claimed to be an A student,
but I don't have to be.
If you have deep pockets and sell nuclear rockets
You're a friend of my family.
Don't know much about air pollution.
Don't know much about the Constitution.
Don't care much for solar energy.
There's nothing in it for my friends and me.
And if we can't find any on our soil
We can go to war and get more oil,
and What a wonderful world this will be.

Don't know much about the driving rules.
Don't know much about the public schools.
Don't know why the inner cities fail
Why can't folks get dad to pay for Yale?
And if the issues causing you to lose
Are never covered in the evening news,
What a wonderful world this will be.

I never claimed to be an A student,
but I don't have to be.
If you have a brother who's the Florida Governor,
the result's no mystery.
Don't know much about history.
Don't know much foreign policy.
Don't know 'bout paying off a debt.
I never had to pay one off yet.
But I do know who has paid my way.
For special interests in the USA
What a wonderful world this will be

Ode to a Haggis
Fair fa` your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o` the puddin - race!
Aboon them a` ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o` a grace
As lang`s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o` need,
While thro` your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An` cut you up wi` ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Ye Pow`rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o` fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies ;
but if ye wish her gratefu` prayer,
Gie her a` Haggis!

Y.O.D.A Song
(Sung to the theme of the YMCA)

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down.
I said YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown.
I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away,'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel fear.
I am WONDERIN', tell me why are you here?
How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate,
I say *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky,
into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', Master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Don't just stand in the rain!
You're all covered with mud! come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, are you listenin' to me? I can't
TEACH HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, if you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You should stay here and train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade...)

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and laughter and old Jedi Masters
At the Star Wars

His name was Solo
He was a pilot
With the blaster at his side
And a smile 12 parsecs wide
And with Chewbacca
He was a Wookie
They met with Luke and Obiwan
Aboard the Millenium Falcon
Docking Bay 94
Stormtroopers at the door
With a flash of Ben's lightsaber
Some has his arms on the floor

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and laughter and old jedi masters
At the Star Wars

His name was Yoda
He was a Muppet
Darth Vader was so bad
By the way he was Luke's Dad
Luke kissed his sister
His hand got cut off
In that galaxy far far away
Luke he's had a lousy day
Boba Fet was so mean
Jabba has bad hygiene
Why didn't they all just relax
Back on Tatooine

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seen-a
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and laughter and old jedi masters
At the Star Wars.....

(The Force will be with you)

If only tears were laughter,
If only I liked lass!
I'd get my pick of the fans,
but I like it up the ass! I

can't deny what I believe,
I can't be what I'm not.
I know I'll shag blokes always,
and take it up the bot.

No matter - I'm just jealous,
I'll cry with all the plebs! '
Cos I've no gay following
I'd better just join Steps.

My mates from Boyzone love me,
They say they'll stand by me.
Although I fancy Ronan,
I've only had Mikey!

I can't deny what I believe,
Men give me such a bone! I
've told "The Sun" I'm gay - now,
George Michael's on the phone!

I will survive
You have to sing this to the tune of 'I will Survive'

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
If I'd known for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed...

I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,
But I'd rather look at that, than at your fucken ugly face..!

I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.
only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like that Richard
Gere!

I can't believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged.
I'm fucking off right now, I'm jumping on the flippin' train and I'm not
stopping till I'm home and washed your greeblies down the drain.

Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely
flat
But no, I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you, you twat.

It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun

Syphilis (To the tune of Yesterday)

Syphilis
how it hurts when I have a piss
I wonder who it was who gave me this
Oh I believe in Syphilis

More lyrics to the tune of yesterday

CHASTITY
Chastity, no-one's dick is getting into me,
Hanging on to my virginity,
I'll never catch an S.T.D.

CHORUS:
Now I never come,
No squelching noises at night,
I can't get no fun,
Now I'm into chastity.

Chastity, now I've gone for celibacy,
It means no-one wants to fuck with me,
I just call it chastity.

Chastity, I've forgotten what my bits are for,
I don't even masturbate no more,
No fear of pregnancy for sure.

PREGNANCY
Birth control, is the only way to save my soul.
Since I put it in my girl friend's hole,
Now I believe in birth control.

CHORUS: Why I had to cum, I don't know she wouldn't blow. I did something wrong, Now I long for birth control. Pregnancy, there's a shotgun hanging over me. Why has this bulge got to be? I should have used one silly me.

SYPHILIS
Syphilis, feels like razors every time I piss.
Who the hell's to blame for this?
It's agony this syphilis.

CHORUS
How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet,
Now I've got infected meat.

Syphilis, chancre sores and spots upon my skin,
I never should have stuck it in,
Now I will die of syphilis.

Syphilis, it all started with a simple kiss.
Now it even hurts to take a piss.
Oh why did I get syphilis?

Why'd she have VD? I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I did something wrong and now
I long for yesterday ....

S.T.D.
STD, it is also called VD,
Chlamydia, syph and PID,
Trichomonas, gonorrhea.

STD, lots of bugs which have a ball,
Apart from AIDS I have them all,
Cystitis pains are in my tool ....

STD, yeast infections they are known as thrush,
I've non-specific urethritis,
I'm dripping globs of pus ...

STD, my tool's gone purple, black and green,
The worst a clinic's ever seen,
Do you know just what I mean?

PROSTATE GLAND
Prostate gland, it causes problems for a man,
You can't piss or trickle when you can,
Prostates they should be banned ...

Prostate gland, big as golfball blocks the flow,
You need a catheter to help you go,
Plays havoc with libido.

Prostate gland, it makes your pissing awful slow,
Remove it and your erection goes,
Believe me - I should know.

LEPROSY
Leprosy, bits and pieces falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I acquired leprosy.

CHORUS:
How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet, Now I've got infected meat.

Leprosy, stumps for toes and fingers, woe is me,
There goes my dick, how will I pee?
Quite messily, with leprosy.

Leprosy, all my skin is falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be.
Oh, how did I get leprosy?

I'm A Little Penis

I'm a little penis,
Long and hard,
If you want to see it,
Come in my yard,
When I get all horny,
Then I spurt,
Push me in,
And pull me out!

The Sheep Shagging Blues

I like shagging sheep
Cos they don't have big clodding feet
They have little hooves instead
And they're better than most women in bed

CHORUS:

I like shagging sheep
I like shagging sheep
I've got those .... Sheep Shagging Blues

I like to shag them every day
In almost every single way
Even up against a wall I like to shag them all

CHORUS

I like to drive them home
I like to hear them moan
I like to shag them in my car
I like to hear them baaaaaaa...

CHORUS

I'm going to buy a farm
So I can shag them in my barn
And when they get to old and tired for me
I'll cook them and eat them for my tea
CHORUS

Now I must face reality
I've been done with bestiality
NO MORE SHAGGING SHEEP.

You hit me, babe

SONNY: When I was young, I couldn't know
I'd be a ski bum and take a fatal blow
TREE: Well, all I know, is you can't ski
Cause you hit me and baby I'm a tree

BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: DOA, Babe

SONNY: What kind of fool is killed by a tree
While skiing a resort that's called Heavenly
TREE: Make no mistake, you're quite a dope
If I were you're age I'd take the bunny slope

BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: 86, Babe!

SONNY: I got a chainsaw with my things
TREE: If you'd lived, you'd see my rings
SONNY: Oh, I'm so mad, you're in the ground
TREE: I'm not to blame, you could have gone `round

SONNY: And some will say I'm like Kennedy
Don't follow his lead, cause death's no remedy
TREE: And when they put you in the ground
There ain't no arts endowment you can pound

BOTH: Babe!
TREE: You hit me, Babe!
SONNY: N.E.A., Babe?

TREE: You hit me, you're head is Spam
SONNY: I hit you, I'm Republican
TREE: You hit me, do I look like Cher?
SONNY: I hit you, haven't got a prayer
TREE: You hit me, while on a peak
SONNY: I hit you, call it Lesbian Chic
TREE: You hit me, you gotta go
SONNY: I hit you, I'm dead in snow
BOTH: I (You) hit you (me), babe!!!!!!!!!

Paul Gascoigne song
(In the tune of the Hokey Kokie.......)

he puts his left leg in
he puts his right fist out
he breaks three fingers and he knocks his wife about
gascoigne is a scumbag
and he beats his wife
coz thats what hes all about

(Chorus)
oh gascoigne thumps his mrs
oh he never ever misses
oh gascoigne thumps his mrs
coz thats what hes all about

he grabs ger by the arm
he grabs her by the hair
he blackens both her eyes
but Fundlay doesnt care
all the huns are criminals
and they are going to jail
coz thats what there all about

(Chorus)

oh gascoigne thumps his mrs
oh he never ever misses
oh gascoigne thumps his mrs
coz thats what hes all about

New Age Lullaby

Hush little baby don't you squall
Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball

And if you still can't see beyond
Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand

And if that wand don't change your fate
Momma's gonna teach you to levitate

And if the astral makes you sick,
Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick

And if that patchouli smells too rank
She'll buy you a sensory deprivation tank

And if that tank don't float your bones
Momma's gonna buy you some precious stones

And if those gems don't ease your heart
Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart

And if your planets go berserk
Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork

And if your aura still needs kneading
Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading

And if your destiny stays hid
Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid

And if your chakras still feel stressed
Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest

And if power animals don't come to charm ya
Sorry, kid, it's just your karma.

Violent Night
(to the tune of "Silent Night")

Silent Mac, broken Mac!
System bombed, screen went black.
Books suggested things; I tried 'em all:
Shift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
Now my deadline is tight,
This Mac's been silent all night.

Violent night, horrible night!
Lost my cool, filled with spite,
Threw my Mac through the balcony door
Watched it fall from
the 20th floor, Now I'm sleeping in peace;
Thank God I had it on lease.

KENOBI
(sung by Darth Vader to the tune of "Cecilia," during their duel)

Kenobi,
You shouldn't have come back,
You best watch your back
Or I'll kill ya.
Oh Kenooooobi,
Your powers are weak,
You're feeble and meek,
And you're old.
Old, old, old.

Swingin' blades In the afternoon,
With Kenobi, He's an old buffoon (old buffoon)
I cut through His chest and face,
When he falls to the ground
Air has taken his place.

REPEAT CHORUS

FUNKY NOISES SOLO

Ju-bi-la-tion! I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing. Ju-bi-la-tion!
I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing.

LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo!

Microsoft
(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Nine-tenths of a gig,
Biggest ever seen,
God, this program's big--
MS Word 15!
Comes on ten CDs,
And requires--damn!
Word is fine, but jeez--
60 megs of RAM?!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
Bloatware all the way!
I've sat here installing Word
Since breakfast yesterday!
Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
Moderation, please.
Guess you hadn't noticed:
Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!

American Tie
'allo Guys and Gals
'ere's some new words to music that is Crop of the Flops!
(sung to the tune of American Pie by Don Mclean)

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
how those Yankees used to make me smile,
And I knew if they had their goat,
They'd try to teach us how to vote,
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.

But November saw me quiver,
With every network news delivered,
Chaos in the republic,
The blunders were in public.

I can't remember if I laughed,
When I read about his amBUSHed pride,
But something GOREd me deep inside,
The day the voting died.

So... Why, why this American tie,
Drove the voters to a frenzy but the ballots were sly.
Both Bush and Gore are running risky and dry,
Singing "This'll be the day that I cry,
This'll be the day that I cry."

Did you write the book of jokes,
And will you have faith in the winning bloke,
If the Houses tell you so?
Now do you believe in the voter rolls?
Can the system save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to count real slow?

Well I know you're in a sticky mess,
Cause I saw you looking real harassed,
You both ran out of cues,
Man, I dig those rhythm 'n' blues,

They were rich and fiesty mid-aged bucks,
Nearly two years later and still in the ruck,
But I knew they were out of luck,
The day the voting died.
We started singing...

(Chorus)

Now for some days we've been on our own,
Left with a case of the great unknown,
But that's not how it used to be,
When Clinton spoke in front of kings and queens,
In a coat he borrowed from Mr Bean,
And a voice that came from Hillary,

Oh, and while the crowd was looking down,
Buchanan stole Florida's crown,
The voting was adjourned,
No verdict was returned.

And while recounts were still going slow,
The whole world stayed up for the show,
And waited for the news to flow,
The day the voting died.
We were singing...

(Chorus)

Dedicated to the voters of Florida

Ode to Spot (Data's cat)

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skill and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communication
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilections
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents,
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotions.

Oh Spot, the complex level of behavior you display
Connotes a fairly well-developed cognitive array;
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

Bohemian Curry Song
To be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rapsody (Queen!)

Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on, 'cause nothing really madras.

Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
I Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all...

******

(Guitar solo)

*****

I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo...)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand you well back Cause this loo is quarantined.

Here it comes,
There it goes,
technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes) I chunder It's coming up again
(There he goes) It's coming up again, (Up again)
Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no non o no no No)
On my knees, I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees
Oh there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!

*****

(Guitar solo)

*****

So you think you can chunder and still it's alright?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here....

******

(Guitar solo)

******

Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me

(Anyway, my wind blows.)

Yesterday
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.

Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

Grease '98
(Starring Bill and Monica)

...hum the tune...

Bill: "Summer intern, had me a blast"
Monica: "Whitehouse intern, happened so fast"
Bill: "Met a girl, Lewinsky for me"
Monica: "Met the prez, down on my knees"
Bill: "Summer days, sucking away, oooh-ah, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee: "Well 'ard... well 'ard... well 'ard... UH! Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "did he grapple your breasts"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip "Did he come on your dress?"
Investigation Committee: She's a slut... She's a slut... She's a slut... She's a slut..... She's a slut... She's a slut... She's a slut... YEAH!
Bill: "Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp"
Monica: "I was horny - panties were damp"
Bill: "She gave head, in the Whitehouse"
Monica: "I said OK, just don't come in my mouth
Bill: Sex 'n' sleaze, friction-burnt knees, ooh-ah, but those summer nights"
Investigation Committee: "Well 'ard... well 'ard... well 'ard... UH! Tell us more, tell us more"
Linda Trip: "He sounds like a swell guy"
Investigation Committee: "Tell us more, tell us more. Did he tell you to lie?"

[The Slow Bit]

Bill: "Press found out, oh what a mess"
Monica: "Fifty bucks to buy a new dress"
Bill: "She promised to lie, she made a vow"
Monica: "Wonder who has her Clit-on him now"
Bill & Monica: "Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams,
Bu-ut.........oh
Those Whitehouse........................ Ni-ights"
Investigation Committee: Prez no more... Prez no mooooore-ooore-ore-ore-ore

Imperial Rhapsody
Sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsoody by Queen.

Lando: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
Leia: Open your eyes
Stand up to their guys and see.
Luke: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cus who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
Han: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me

Piett: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, oooooooo.
Did mean too make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.

Yoda: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
Luke: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gootta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
Piett: Vader, ooooooooooo,
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

Luke: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!

I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
Rebels: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mundacity!
Han: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
Jabba: Boo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
Han: Let me go!
Jabba: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
Han: Let me go!
Jabba: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
Han: LET ME GO!
Jabba: WILL NOT LET YOU GOO!
Han: LET ME GO! Jabba: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
Han: LET ME GO!
Jabba: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

C-3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
Leia: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeee, for meeee.
for MEEEEEEEEEE.

(Stormtroopers start headbanging)

Luke: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.

Obiwan: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

Han: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeeeeee.