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Christian Pick-up lines....... 1.. Nice bible.
A man walked into the ladies department in John Lewis. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" "What type of bra?" asked the assistant. "Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the assistant, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras" Confused, the man asked what were the types. The assistant replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
In the beginning, God created Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
An elderly Frenchman who is a Catholic goes to confession and says to the Priest: "Father, I have been a very bad man. I have come to seek forgiveness for my sins". The Priest can see that the man has a great deal on his mind and says: "Tell me what it is my son. It cannot be that bad". The man replies: "In the Second World War a young Jewish lady came to me and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I did and made a place for her in the attic". "But my son", replied the Priest "that is an act of great kindness for which you will be rewarded". "Yes", said the man "but I was lonely and in order to let her stay, I demanded sexual favors from her". "Oh. I see", said the Priest. "But my son, times were so hard then. You sought solace in the woman you were protecting. You are forgiven". "Thank you", said the man "that has been a great weight off of my shoulders. While I'm here, do you think that I should tell her the war has ended?"
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle."
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say....... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
Commandment Negotiations The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain, knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God. Finally a tired Moses came into sight. "I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said. "The good news is that I got Him down to ten. The bad news is that adultery's still in."
Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always
wanted On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must
"$5000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How
about "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
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