(Number in brackets refer to the number of jokes in that category)

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Why executives make more money:

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives will. Now, for the first time we have a rigid Mathematical proof that explains why this is in fact true.

Postulate 1: Knowledge is power.

Postulate 2: Time is money.

As every Engineer knows, Work / Time = Power

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have Work / Money = Knowledge

Solving for Money, we get: Work / Knowledge = Money Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero,

Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, 'Doc, I'm constipated.'

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, 'Lean over the table.' The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says, 'Doc, I feel great. What should I do?'

The doctor says, 'Stop wiping with cement bags.'

Notice of Patent Infringement Ruling

In the case of Thor vs. Ug, wherein Thor, holder of patent 0000000001 for Method and Apparatus to Kill Large Beasts for Purposes of Eating, as implemented by Heavy Rock on End of Stick, contends that Ug has contravened the Digital Millenniu Copyright Act by disassembling Heavy Rock on Stick to make Pointed Rock on Stick, and that method of Poking Beasts Until Dead is essentially a foreseen variation of Hitting Beasts Until Dead, the Appeals court has ruled in Thor's benefit.

Punitive damages assessed in the amount of 1 (One) Beast from each family descended from Ug are due to the family descendants of Thor.

Q:What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A:'Pick a cod, any cod.'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just
think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's
a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher; ...she's dead."