Two starving bums
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when
one of them sees a dead cat.
He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing
the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too.
Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead
for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues
to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the
first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been
something wrong with that cat."
And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh
and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like
mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now
you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"
Yum!
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at
the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives
him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.
A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there
is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick
and off he goes.
There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord
says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."
"No, a straw," says the Tramp.
The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it,
so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.
To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all
the good stuff's gone already".
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