Rules blokes wish women knew
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us.
Just get your fat arse in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put the fucker
down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we
comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests
to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's
just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats.
10. Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. It's like the
full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect
us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is a twat
and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than pissing
from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes
you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that
would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor. Now.
23. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the
first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are
airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going
to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines
are all gay. Face it.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can
we know how pretty you are?
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials
34. Consider Sport a mini-vacation from you. We need it,
just like you do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops,
no jackets, chest level logo'd t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we
are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
37. If you want some dessert after a meal - order some.
You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't
say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
39. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should
be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups
are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure
all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything
else falls under the category 'garnish'.
40. Do not question our sense of direction.
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