Euro 2000
"Watching the depressing scenes in Belgium, I am sure I
am not alone in asking why the government didn't do something to stop
these people travelling abroad and shaming our country. I mean, they have
been caught on camera often enough, and we even know their names: Neville,
Shearer, Keegan, Ince ..."
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow
White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice
shouts out "England are good enough to win Euro 2000. Snow White says
"Well at least Dopey's alive!".
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. What's the England version of a hat-trick?
A. Conceding three goals in fifteen minutes
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by the England
midfielders?
A. The walk back to the dressing room.
Q. What do Shearer and drug addicts have in common??
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will
come from.
Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman
in a Brussels nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted
by the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated: "I find
it totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make
a successful pass to or at anyone."
A man desperate at England's current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last
moment, he decides upon wearing his full England kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police.
On arrival, the police quickly remove the Jersey and dress the man in
stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused, asks why. The policeman
simply replies, "It's to avoid embarrassing your family."
Rumour has it that England have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The FA thought
it was an appropriate change as the team is going through a very bad period
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